Do you like to see the world through the gaps in a huge moustache?

If so, build a campfire in your living room, dust off the violin and whack a bit of Gogol Bordello on: it's Big Tone's (with help from The Ginger Sneeze Machine) guide to the wonderful world of Gypo-travelling!

#Dum-dee-dum-dee-dah-dee-dum-dee-dah#
(fits most tunes playing in your head right now)

1. Once you've landed and in the airport make sure you get as much free info as humanly possible.

2. If you want to rent a car / camper van, ring round a couple of rental companies first to ask if any cars need bringing back to the place you want to go. There's a good chance they'll give you the van at a massivley discounted rate.

2. Save the petrol coupons on your supermarket receipt. It may not be much, but every little helps!

3. Take the free magazines you find in airports and tourist offices. They are full of coupons, some of which might prove useful.

4. Roll down a hill in neutral, with your foot near the brake, so you'll save some petrol. Also, if you're sleeping in a van try and park it so your head will be positioned slightly downhill during the night. You'll feel refreshed in the morning!

5. Dont bring any junk like perfume, facial masks etc (I didn't write this bit) as a backpacker but just go to the local drugstore and use the free samplers. Hell, whilst you're in the shop you might as well use as many free testers as you can.

6. On a similar vein, always make the most of the sampling tables in supermarkets. It might save you the cost of lunch.

7. Once again again, if you're near a Sikh Gurdwara (temple), why not pop in for a bite. All of them are equipped with kitchens and feed their faithful (and other people) at set times during the day.

8. Don't be a mug and pay for an internet cafe if there's a library offering the same services for free nearby.

9. Men's clothes can be a good deal cheaper than women's clothes, so ladies if you're not wanting anything pink or tailored to reduce the size of that junk in your trunk head to Menswear.

10 . And finally, walk into a backpackers as if you belong there and charge your computer and batteries while you take a free shower. True story.

Metal Monkey: pelting lemons at those - oh so desperately - wanting to make lemonade since Nineteen Hundred and Ten.